In need

I really am in need of a friend. I want to experience life with a friend. I want to do more than just "catch up". I want to hang out without talking. 

I want to feel a deep connection. 

There is so much more God has given us in our lives, but we don't make them important. We focus on jobs, school, money, etc. God created the people before he created the tasks that are to be done by the people.

I feel like I am about to go into isolation. I don't feel connected to anyone in my life right now. 

Something needs to change. 

This weekend was crazy.

Started off with a funeral, then loads of work. We saw Andres Reiu, who was amazing. I found a stray dog, brought it home, fed it, groomed it for 2 hours, took a bath with her, and she slept in my bed. This dog was a Great Pyranees. I left her for four hours in my bathroom the next day while I went to work. I got home, and found that she ATE MY DOOR and my clothes hamper. This dog was crazy! She didn't want to be alone, I guess. So obviously I couldn't keep her any longer, even though I wanted to so stinkin bad! I took her to Gully's Animal Hospital, boarded her, and Animal Services came and got her Monday. It was so sad, but I had no choice. She was such a sweet puppy. A big 49.4 lb puppy, but sweet. We shared a pillow, kissies, and a meal together. I hope I did the right thing. 

3 weeks left. I have loads of emotions. 

I just really want to feel close to the people in my life right now. That is all.

looks away

Really having a hard time lately and I finally received some insight tonight. 

I hear all the time, "Cast your anxieties on Him..." blah blah but I can never understand what that actually looks like. I have a great big ball of stress sitting in my stomach that I can't digest. I read that verse. I even tell God I cast those anxieties on Him, I desire for Him to take it all away. And yet, it still won't go away. I still haven't gotten it. 

However... I just began a huge character study to prepare for my trip. I came across this paragraph that really helped me. Gave me some answers. Sort of a step towards a solution. 

A.W. Tozer writes:

The "gaze of the soul" determines our ability to cope with hurt, stress, and daily circumstances.

"While we are looking at God we do not see ourselves--blessed riddance. The man who has struggled to purify himself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when he stops tinkering with his soul and looks away to the perfect One. While he looks at Christ, the very things he has so long been trying to do will be getting done within him. It will be God working in him to will and to do."

On the road of healing...